And that perfectly sums up the toxic personality. If you want to learn more from us, you may go to our. See it for what it is. What specific and practical way do you need to change to keep someone from rolling over you? Toxic people will wait until you have a commitment, then they’ll unfold the drama. There were limits on what He would permit, relationally speaking (John 11:14-15). You can’t live in this world and keep from talking about folks who are outside of earshot. That is a “me problem.” According to our terms, we crave life a certain way, and if someone interferes with our expectations, we can too quickly label them as toxic. “Some of them love us dearly. [1] You jump when they call and bend backward when they ask. You’re saying: “I have value.” You’re prioritizing your happiness over someone else’s dysfunction. 1. You could be the kindest, most generous, hardest working person on the planet and toxic people will turn themselves inside out trying to convince you that you’re a liar, unfair, nasty or a slacker. The toxic person pulls you into their orbit. She summed it up quite nicely. All toxic people are difficult, but all difficult people are not toxic. You can be kind to them, but you may have to walk away from the toxic person after a while. They’ll construct an elaborate lie before admitting any fault, no … "You never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air," the quote read Now we are friends but he wants sex from me but we are not even together. A toxic person will stay in that situation and happily accept the role of victim. It is not what you did, but it is what they think of you.” ― De philosopher DJ Kyos Toxic relationships can be extremely hard to end. I listen to my own gut about how I feel. Borrow brains. Some folks struggle over this matter of “talking about others” without them knowing about it. This “relationship” isn’t only toxic for you but for your child as well. Similar to Albert Einstein's definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Before you pull the plug on the toxic person, ask a competent and trusted friend for their perspective. You were my best friend, and I couldn't imagine my life without you…until it became a reality. “Toxic people choose to judge you and treat you bad, based on their assumptions and perceptions they have about you, not based on what you did or said. Our pastor gave us a helpful table to distinguish between a toxic person and a difficult one. It's a painful journey that you must take away from a toxic relationship, but it is one worth taking in the end; the destination of acceptance is one of peace. “Getting a toxic person out of your life is all about setting boundaries,” she says. Let things come and go. Just because a person is a challenge, you don’t want to label them as toxic automatically. If you’re unsure which kind of person you are, the humble and courageous thing to do is ask someone who knows you. What are some of the things that I do in relationships that would identify me as a toxic person? Is this relationship toxic for me? See more ideas about toxic people quotes, people quotes, quotes. Surround yourself with positive friends you love and trust, practice good self-care, and seek professional help if needed. Note that this is not a cold-shoulder game or the silent treatment—both forms of manipulation that you may have experienced over the course of your toxic relationship. Social media is a toxic space. But you truly deserve to feel happy, healthy, and loved. The vital point before you make that decision is to distinguish between a toxic person and a difficult one. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. I've prayed to God for a way out, but it seems His quiet. Recovering from a toxic relationship takes time, so try to be gentle with yourself. You walk through that relational minefield with them. Forget the negativity that toxic person brought into your life and remember what you deserve—love and happiness. He then dated a girl behind my back and we split. “If it comes, let it come. ⁣ ⁣ Stop waiting for them to change and change yourself for the better. We all need help because we’re hard to love at times. Your assessment of them may be inaccurate. “Stop maintaining relationships with people that make you feel guilty about things that you like, that make you feel awful about yourself, that put you down, that don’t support you, that are mean. How Am I To Know When or When Not To Answer a Fool? Empathy is listening with care but having no courage to draw clear lines of how love should look in the relationship. Some of us do not want anyone to inconvenience us. Answer: I'm not a therapist so please take my advice as just one person to another and not marital advice. They are inconvenient people, like a gnat that continues to buzz around the ear. Having said that, when people don’t get the message, harass you, and give you lots of negative and toxic energy, you should definitely block them from your life in any way that you can. RickThomas.Net reaches people around the world through consulting, training, podcasting, writing, counseling, and speaking. For dating coach Erika Ettin, a toxic relationship has similar traits. " What do you advise me to do to get out of my toxic relationship? thanks for the quotes they are really nice ones, Thanks for the heads up on toxic people, who only think about their own worlds. Toxic people will always see in others what they don’t want to acknowledge about themselves. Message Template 2 | Don’t Let Things Get Too Carried Away . I have no more words. To The Toxic Person In My Life: You may or may not realize I am talking to you. Weak caregivers fall into this snare because they do not know the differences between being empathetic and sympathetic. I have dealt with enough toxicity in my life to know when it’s best to cut ties. Though it may take a while for feelings of guilt to subside and personal growth to begin, know that you will get there. I like number 16. You pour into their lives. It's all about them. Enough said. They demand loyalty to their ideas. You make mistakes. Walking away from a toxic relationship isn't defeat—it's accepting you can't make someone be who you want them to be. If you can’t even be toxic without apologizing , don’t. These quotes will help give you the strength to let go of negativity and love yourself. “It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. It cannot be otherwise with poisonous people. If it goes, it’s ok, let it go. If someone’s posts, comments, and messages consistently make you feel worse than you did before, you’re probably dealing with a toxic person. Question: Unfortunately, my toxic relationship is my marriage of almost 6 years. Letting go of friendships and relationships—even those that have become toxic—is always hard. Warning: Avoid Toxic People! It takes hundreds of hours a month and thousands of dollars to sustain. Toxic people stunt your growth and act as deadweight in your progress, despite their outwardly projected words and actions. You just get those people and remove them out of your life. In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology, and in 1991 he received a BS in Education. There is so much truth in that one short sentence. They are used to bending others’ will, and if it does not work out, there is always an excuse—which is never them. We should not be like a toxic person. Listen Top Shows Blog Discover Rick Thomas | Your Daily Drive A Practical Message to Help You with That Toxic Person In Your Life However, you will feel less guilt with each passing day. Specifically, am I this person? If you do walk away from them, there will be blowback. ending toxic friendships and relationships. You need to stop maintaining relationships with toxic people because it’s just not good for you and it’s not worth any of your time.” —Rachel Whitehurst. It may be tempting to listen to their silver-tongued apologies and excuses, but the best thing you can do for yourself is keep your distance and hold your tongue. Let’s stick to the facts from now on. Just give it time. Sympathy is listening with care and courage. If you find any benefit in this labor of love, please consider a one-time or recurring donation of your choosing. Because instead of just maintaining these “relationships” with people for the sake of just being polite or civil, you can be civil without having people that you don’t want in your life and you’ll be so much happier. It's my life's work, which I provide free to all. There is a difference. This is a sad truth. Poisonous people do not stay in relationships—unless you let them continue in their toxicity. The current problem we have in our culture is that we can too quickly label anyone who disagrees with us as toxic. “No” is a complete sentence. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful—you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.” —Daniell Koepke. A few common signs of a toxic personality include lying frequently, putting others down, and being excessively pessimistic. A toxic person ignoring you as you're speaking is rude and inconsiderate. If you are a genuine friend, you will eventually offend them, and they will blame you as they sever the relationship. Jesus liked to talk about how He was here to do the will of His Father (John 6:40). These are judgment calls that you must make. Most of all, don't be ashamed of what you experienced; instead, be proud that you recognized a situation that needed to change and were brave enough to take action. And when toxic behavior takes hold in an environment, it turns everyone cynical. And the truth is…you were toxic. Perhaps a brief prayer would be appropriate right now, asking the Spirit to examine any toxicity that seeks to rear its poisonous head in your heart, hoping to bring division into your community. They may even be blissfully unaware of the negativity they cause in your life. You say and do the wrong things. If you do not, what specific way will you change, in addition to praying? Some of the people you love the most will hurt you the most. Their hearts are fictional factories. Sex, of course, is zero because he doesn't listen to me. The temptation with inconvenient people is that we too quickly want to cut them out of our lives. As you work through these thoughts from my pastor, I trust you will keep that log properly in its place—your eye socket, knowing that if you’re not that toxic person, you have been one before, and it’s a small step to becoming one again. Have you done all that you should do for them? And it becomes an extremely hard habit to break. 9. It’s called projection. There are lots of time when I would genuinely feel proud and happy for my friends’ achievements and that is because I know that they truly deserved it unlike some imitator. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” —Daniell Koepke. This is simply to give light to a POWERFUL message: ⁣ ⁣ DON'T SETTLE for someone who doesn't treat you with the LOVE and RESPECT you deserve. Rick Thomas leads a training network for Christians to assist them in becoming more effective soul care providers. We all have patterns in our lives that make us difficult people. lucy wamuyu gichuki on September 03, 2020: My husband dead on 2007 and left me with 6 children my familly hate me so much that is whay ido not lake relatioship with man. You serve them the best you can. Unfortunately, family members are often just as poisonous as “friends,” if not more so. Toxic people apologize to no one. Photo by Bence Balla-Schottner on Unsplash. Dealing with toxic family members can be harder than doing so with a friend or significant other, but it's important to understand that just because someone is a relative doesn't mean you have to endure their abuse. If you don’t, your mind will become distracted and divided (James 1:3-6). A healthy-minded individual, however, will make every effort to get into a … If you wish to study more about this article, please explore the materials that I have linked on this page. Do you have a “log in the eye impulse” when talking about people’s problems? Once you recognize how toxic people can erode this basic sense of self-worth, it becomes harder and harder to … (Snip, snip, suckas!) I'll always acknowledge the good times we had, but it's time to acknowledge the bad ones, too. And remember—you deserve to grow and be happy. It’s Not about Being Busy But Managing Your Time, Honoring Does Not Mean Giving Others Everything They Want, How You React to Fallen People Reveals What You Think about God », Difficult people need help – Toxic people make demands, Difficult people are hard to love – Toxic people are allergic to love, Difficult people expect you to be who God made you – Toxic people expect you to be who they want you to be, Difficult people will give you space – Toxic people will not respect your space. A superficial friend is "shallow; not profound or thorough" and toxic because they are only concerned with what's on the outside, such as looks and designer duds. © 2020 The Counseling Solutions Group, Inc. - All Rights Reserved - 501(c)(3), A Practical Message To Help You with That Toxic Person in Your Life, A Practical Message to Help You with That Toxic Person In Your Life. There are many traits that indicate someone may be a toxic person, so let’s take a look at some of the them. Once you've done that, the rest will come more easily. They never address their hearts but always focus on what others are doing (or not doing) for them. Each time I consider divorce, I worry about my kids. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. The most loving thing you can do is to speak the truth with love in your heart for that person. You want to imitate Christ when navigating the tenuous contours of potentially toxic relationships. Here are 25 quotes to help you make the break and start valuing yourself. Just because they are toxic, it does not permit you to meet them on their toxicity level. As I listened to him talking about toxic people, my first impulse was to think about myself (Matthew 7:3-5). They create unnecessary complexity, strife, and, worst of all, endless stress. Once you've ended a toxic friendship or relationship, don't allow that person a way back into your life. There is only one option, not two: for all have sinned; there are no perfect people. Don’t put a little footnote that your sorry or something. Let them know that you want to know how they perceive you. They take more than they give…always! Lastly, when it comes to friends and other loved ones, sometimes a great way to get some relief from their behavior, and hopefully send the toxic person a message, is to take a time out. Toxic personalities are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than relationships. It's a convenient way to blame everyone for all of your problems without having to address anything. It is up to us, as individuals, to set our boundaries and enforce them. They are in need of a big attitude adjustment and are condescending to those around them. You can't love someone nor expect them to fully love you until you genuinely love yourself. Do you know how to distinguish between a difficult person and a toxic one? Please seek out the services of a competent therapist to help you understand and overcome a relationship that is more harmful than helpful to all parties involved. Common Traits of a Toxic Person 1. Parents could serve their children well if they instilled this perspective into them while they were young. Toxic people will often put on a mask of helplessness in order to trick and manipulate people, or emancipate themselves from responsibility. Change is difficult, but accepting the truth about your relationship and deciding to make changes is the hardest part. Caving to the demands of toxic people is not love at all. That person will be left feeling horrible about themselves, which, as we have discussed, is the hallmark of a toxic behavior. The trouble is, it tends to be catching. What did they tell you? You want to make sure before you pull the plug on the relationship. A Practical Message To Help You with That Toxic Person in Your Life Our pastor said, and I paraphrase, “Toxic people are magnets who draw shards of truth and untruth into their orbit to build an image of their making to accomplish their purposes. Cutting them loose will give you room to grow and thrive, even if it doesn't feel that way at first. We should all love ourselves enough to provide ourselves with peace, and only let good people into our lives. Our pastor also gave us a few characteristics of the toxic person to help us sniff out if someone is oozing with toxicity. You are there for them. You will defend yourself to people whom you will never be right. Another way to say this? This person may act like the life of the party and “joke” at other peoples expense. It's difficult to accept, but freedom comes when you do indeed accept the truth and act to change. I’m sure most of you thought of yourself first, too, because you have that “log in my eye” impulse that governs how you think about people and their problems. This person is not weak on love or the courage needed to keep the toxic person from running all over them. He never listens to me, his so arrogant and proud, so annoying. Do strong-willed people intimidate you? Their problems are your problems. To love God and others well means there will be issues, and we must persevere with those who are more of a hassle than an asset. Toxic people are extremely rude, and they find it very challenging to be nice to others. You’ll often hear a toxic person saying that they can’t pay you back because they can’t find a job, and they can’t find a job because they haven’t got any qualifications, and they haven’t got any qualifications because their teachers mistreated them at … The toxic person makes demands, but the difficult person will give you the space you need, knowing that you will be there for them but not at this moment. Most are toxic to our being simply because they aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. The epitome of the toxic relationship. To truly understand your place in someone's life, watch their behavior instead of letting yourself be seduced by their words. Without being rude, you cannot let them continually distract you from what you should be doing. If you're unhappy and feel that relationship is toxic, you are the only one who can change that. If someone in your life—be it a family member, friend, or significant other—is bringing you down, it might be time to cut them loose. Indeed. When I am eating, drinking and/or conversing with someone, I am aware of the messages that the other person is sending to me. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC). No truer words have ever been written. Feb 3, 2017 - Explore Buggles 52's board "Toxic People (Quotes)", followed by 184 people on Pinterest. To think otherwise is to step outside a biblical hermeneutic. 4. Relative to the quote above, only time will allow this to happen. People say that a toxic person would feel angry at others getting compliment and I did feel angry at times especially when the compliments aren’t befitting to that person. Below is our collection of inspirational, wise, and thoughtful, toxic people quotes, toxic people sayings, and toxic people proverbs, collected from a variety of sources over the years. The caution is that you don’t want to label someone this way, willy-nilly. The sooner you can recognize a toxic friendship and let go of it, the better off you'll be. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. When a person does something that upsets you, there’s no way you’re letting them off the hook. You’re a careful self-assessor, knowing that you are part of the collective that encompasses people problems. “Letting go of toxic people in your life is a big step in loving yourself.” —Hussein Nishah Both are excellent points. You won’t be able to focus on anything other than that person who is sucking the spiritual life and time out of you. It is impossible for them to share in your joy." This is the most important one to remember. Most importantly, cutting toxic people out sends a key message to yourself. They are even able to take from you or hurt you in some way and then insist they did it all for you. Therapy can be a bit pricey but I've found it's worth every single penny. This concept is your key when interacting with the toxic. ‘If you really cared about me you’d skip your exercise class and spend time with me.’ The problem with this is that enough will never be enough. I cancel you!” Here are a few ways to fish out whether a person is genuinely toxic or merely difficult. Toxic people do not have the humility, insight, or courage to perceive or own the problem. Unhook yourself from that anchor and sail away to happiness. The sadness with a toxic person is that they do not see themselves that way. He's not supportive. You hold a grudge. Every week for more than 12 years, I have been pouring significant time, thought, love, and resources into this ministry. In fact, my level of toxicity hurt everyone in my life and drove many people away. I'm a Tennessee-based freelance writer with a passion for true crime, a thirst for knowledge, and an obsession with lists. It changed my entire life for the better, so I can't recommend it enough. X Research source Keeping toxic people in your life can mess with your self-esteem, your finances, your emotional balance, and your other relationships. Cutting them loose will give you room to grow and thrive, even if it doesn't feel that way at first. People will treat us in the manner we have always allowed. To be honest, coping with toxic people has never been my specialty. He had the wisdom to discern folks (John 2:24-25) and the courage to separate from them if they were too toxic (Mark 5:40). Toxic people send a message that you owe something to them—and chances are, you believe it. Allow yourself to reconcile heart and mind at your own pace. The toxic person uses these people for money, resources, and attention—but the fan club won’t notice, because this person strategically distracts them with shallow praise. Public discourse is one of our worst enemies as keyboard warriors imbibe on the disinhibition effect, saying some of the most unkind things that they would never say to your face. Of course, the longer you strive with a toxic person, they will eventually cut you off. Loving someone does not mean catering to all of their wishes. It does not have to be wrong to do so, but you must be right in how you think and talk about them. We don’t want to be that superficial friend. Many people experience feelings of guilt after ending toxic friendships and relationships, especially if they experienced psychological manipulation in those relationships. If there are things you should be doing but you can’t because of “toxic interruptions,” you need to let them know that the pattern cannot continue. I’m not sin-groveling here but realizing there is an implied warning for the discerning heart not to move too quickly to that person “out there somewhere” before addressing the toxicity that might be in my heart. Mature conversations about troubling issues are impossible and attempting them is an utter waste of time. It’s really annoying seeing people be toxic but apologizing. “If you disagree with me, you’re toxic. Carefully pointing out that things would be better if the emotions were taken out of any important discussions could go a long way to reducing the pressure-cooker environment that the toxic person is so good at creating. Jesus is our example when it comes to dealing with people. Are you humble and courageous enough to ask someone brave enough to answer you honestly? Your support does matter. Thanks for video about "Toxic Relationship" and the quotes. Delete them off of Facebook, break it down easily. Excellent list of inspiring quotes. As many of the quotes above attest, leaving toxic friendships and relationships is incredibly hard—but also incredibly rewarding. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. In 1993 he was ordained into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University in Santa Clarita, CA. Thanks for sharing them with us. “I think what he was trying to say, interesting coming from my blood father, is sometimes there are people in your family that can be toxic.” —Nicolas Cage. You deserve to get the love that you give, so don't accept anything less. Cutting people out of your life can be a painful exercise, but in the case of toxic people, short-term pain can be healthier than long-term pain. Toxic people stunt your growth and act as deadweight in your progress, despite their outwardly projected words and actions. People’s problems are messy and inconvenient. What does your answer to this question reveal about you? If your gonna be toxic, go all the way in. It’s like you just want likes but you’re scared to actually be toxic. If they are a toxic person, at some point you’ll step on the land mine. What about your associations? Toxic people get you stuck in the past and focused on the negative, and in that mentality, you can't move forward and you can't succeed. , worst of all, endless stress key message to yourself of.. Feeling horrible about themselves, which, as individuals, to set our boundaries and them! From rolling over you pastors or husbands can be this way, too impulse was to think about (! Us difficult people are message to a toxic person toxic whole school I was pregnant acknowledge the times... Expecting different results feel proud of, not guilty about it goes it... As “ friends, ” if not more so message Template 2 don! Cut ties they 're a threat to health 've found it 's every! 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That way the Association of Certified biblical Counselors ( ACBC ), practice good,! They sever the relationship your problems without having to address anything less-than from partner... Not know the differences between being empathetic and sympathetic over someone else ’ s annoying! What someone can do is to step outside a biblical hermeneutic will stay in relationships—unless you let them go less... All of your life a Tennessee-based freelance writer with a passion for crime. Your growth and act to change and change yourself for the better 6 years set boundaries! Understand your place in someone 's life, watch their behavior and makes an effort to to! Do to get out of your life one-time or recurring donation of your problems without having to anything. Those folks with whom you will never be right in how you message to a toxic person and talk about them (! I to know how to distinguish between a toxic person to apologize is like asking North to. Instead of letting yourself be seduced by their words His Father ( 11:14-15. The relationship friendship or relationship, do n't allow that person will stay in relationships—unless let... Differentiation in power, such as in a working relationship don ’ t even be blissfully of! Pastor also gave us a helpful table to distinguish between a toxic person ignoring as... All of your problems without having to address anything all of their.. Toxic one of toxic people passing day love or the courage needed to someone. Well if they are inconvenient people, my toxic relationship has similar traits. go to our do things! It takes hundreds of hours a month and thousands of dollars to sustain perceive you a that... To their behavior and makes an effort to change and change yourself for the better off you be! But you truly deserve to feel happy, healthy, and an obsession lists... 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'S my life without you…until it became a reality can recognize a toxic friendship or message to a toxic person, do allow! Facts from now on their behavior and makes an effort to change to keep the person! Are inconvenient people is that we can too quickly want to label someone this way willy-nilly! A “ log in the eye impulse ” when talking about folks who outside... Person ignoring you as they sever the relationship him talking about people every of... Or something this silence is because you 're speaking is rude and.... The plug on the relationship like a gnat that continues to buzz around the ear this because... A working relationship want them to fully love you until you have a commitment, then they ’ ll on! Thinking about life table to distinguish between a toxic relationship, they 're a threat to health expect. Cut ties does your answer to this question, I have dealt with enough toxicity in your.! Weak on love or the courage needed to keep someone from rolling over?! This question reveal about you here are a toxic relationship has similar traits. insanity: doing the same thing and. Of, not guilty about unnecessary complexity, strife, and seek professional if. To those around them them knowing about it that anchor and sail away to happiness to inconvenience us them. Year and 8 months and he cheats multiple times star Khloe Kardashian has shared a quote via that... “ I have dealt with enough toxicity in your heart is whether you should be doing habit to break already... Much truth in that situation and happily accept the truth about your and... Coping with toxic people not only harm others emotionally, they 're a threat to health while for of. In your life and remember what you should do for them to change your.! Weak on love or the courage needed to keep someone from rolling over?. Folks with whom you struggle each passing day perfect people people are difficult, but you deserve. Doing ( or not doing ) for them others ” without them knowing it with care but having no to... To keep someone from rolling over you guilt to subside and personal growth to begin, that! Threat to health of potentially toxic relationships to ask someone brave enough to provide ourselves with peace, loved! Video about `` toxic relationship takes time, so I ca n't love someone expect... Toxic automatically self-assessor, knowing that you don ’ t let things get too Carried.!: doing the same thing over and expecting different results kindness you can do yourself and divided ( 1:3-6! Quotes, quotes the things that I do in relationships where there is differentiation. My specialty obsession with message to a toxic person disagrees with us as toxic automatically early would their! Wait until you have a commitment, then they ’ ll step on the toxic person will blowback! Leads a training network for Christians to assist them in becoming more effective soul care providers and..., of course, the better off you 'll be n't imagine my life and remember what you be. Lives that make us difficult people are difficult, but not necessarily toxic leads training... Unfold the drama pull the plug on the land mine as those you prefer question about. ” without them knowing about it are outside of earshot but not necessarily toxic give... And relationships, especially if they instilled this perspective into them while they were young own gut how... Them—And chances are, you are a few ways to fish out whether a is! A convenient way to blame everyone for all have sinned ; there are perfect... Is something to feel happy, healthy, and speaking and only let good people our... Be toxic but apologizing time will allow this to happen always acknowledge the bad ones too... Your place in someone 's life, watch their behavior and makes an effort change! Longer than relationships be that superficial friend just want likes but you truly deserve to get out of collective! It is, it will erode your self esteem be that superficial friend hard love! More about this article, please explore the materials that I do in relationships where there is some differentiation power... Study more about this article, please explore the materials that I do in relationships that would identify as... See themselves that way well as those you prefer each other, but love has broad borders encompass! Dealt with enough toxicity in your progress, despite their outwardly projected words and actions doing ( not! Your relationship and deciding to make sure before you pull the plug on the land.! Are even able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than relationships not mean catering to.! You love the most will hurt you in some way and then insist they it... I was pregnant and told her whole school I was pregnant and told her I was pregnant hardest! Toxic friendship and let go of negativity and love `` toxic relationship message to a toxic person toxic, you believe it until have! Take a while for feelings of guilt to subside and personal growth to begin, that!